The Luv Doc: An Orgasm Party

Dear Luv Doc,

I have known my boyfriend was an introvert since we started dating. He is really sweet to me, but painfully awkward around other people – especially people he doesn’t know. I’m not sure we would even have met if it weren’t for my sister, who kept inviting him to parties/dinners with our friends group because he was new to Austin. It took months for him to even say more than a few words to me, but then once he felt comfortable we ended up talking and texting all the time. He is well read, really intelligent, and, like I said, very sweet, he is just very shy. I am nearly the exact opposite. I have lots of friends and my work often requires that I attend events and social functions where I don’t know anyone. This is not a problem for me, but it means that my boyfriend is never at any of these events. I think there are people I work with who don’t believe I have a boyfriend. When people ask where he is I usually say “he had to work,” but that excuse is wearing thin. I have encouraged him to go with me on many occasions and he always says no. Most people would love to take advantage of the opportunities that I have offered him, but if it involves a large group of people he is out. How can I help him be more comfortable in social settings?  – Party Girl

It seems like tempting him with a really good party isn’t working for you. That’s not surprising. For people with social anxiety, the word “party” pretty much ruins anything associated therewith, no matter how great it might be. That’s probably a good instinct around 1% of the time. For instance, you might absolutely love having orgasms, but an orgasm party? Nope. Plus, you just know the people hosting the party are going to ask you to stay around after and help clean up. Then you’re going to have to look awkwardly at your watch and make up some lame white lie ... like ... you promised the sitter you’d be back by 11.

A meth party is also a really bad idea – like bringing egg salad to a family reunion at the lake in August. You might truly love grinding your teeth while regaling some innocent, wide-eyed pot smoker with an overly animated oral exposé of the deep-state pizza parlor child sex trafficking ring sponsored by the Obamas and George Soros, but a whole roomful of scabby-faced tweakers chiming in on your frenetic, paranoid conspiracies is just an absolute fucking nightmare. On the bight side, at least no one is going to ask you to stick around to clean up. They will definitely be out trying to score.

Anyway, I doubt you’re going to tempt your boyfriend to expose himself to a press of humanity by promises of a chocolate fountain, tequila luge, jumpy castle, or baby goat petting zoo. Nor will he pop out of his fortress of solitude for a meet & greet with Jared Padalecki – and not because of his disappointment that it wasn’t Musk, McConaughey, or Marsden ... or better yet, a DJ set by Elijah Wood, but because inevitably, he knows there will be a bunch of people. You can assure him that those people will all be vapid, soul-sucking sycophants to whom your boyfriend will be basically invisible, but it probably won’t change his mind.

That’s why I think it best for you to encourage him to see a therapist about his social anxiety. He needs to get out of his own head, stop thinking about what people might be thinking about him, and focus on making other people feel comfortable – starting with you, because to him, you should be the most important person at any party ... well ... after Jared Padalecki, of course. I know, I know ... therapy is a tough sell, and it ain’t especially cheap either, but if anyone can convince him you’re worth it, It’s gonna be you. Who else does he even know?