The Luv Doc: AI Casanova

Luv Doc,

I just got into a fight (argument) with my roommate about whether it is wrong for me to use AI to create my profile on [a dating site]. He says I am cheating and that it’s dishonest. Is it cheating if I use AI to create my (dating site) profile? Even if I agree with what it says in my profile? I don’t see the problem because I am only using AI to help me describe myself in a way that women will find attractive. My roommate says it is deceptive because what people are seeing is AI’s writing and not my own. What do you think? Is this wrong or is my roommate just jealous I thought of it before he did?  – AI Casanova

Well, you won’t catch me throwing stones. Single men have been fronting pretty much since prehistoric times when, according to the most accurate cartoons we have available, they used to club potential breeding partners over the head and drag them home by their hair. Now, I can imagine the one or two enlightened millennials who read this column are thinking that such brutish behavior is a preposterous anthropological supposition – especially given the high degree of respect modern men have for female autonomy, other than the obvious exception of the Supreme Court – so why would cartoonists make something like that up? Could it be possible that cartoonists might create inaccurate depictions of prehistoric human behaviors as a means of visual allegory? That seems insane. Surely Alley Oop is the spitting image of an enlightened Bone Age caveman residing in the Kingdom of Moo and not some club-wielding, hairy-knuckled, rapist ancestor we would like to scratch off our family tree.

Anyway, the point is that men have probably been peacocking since shortly after the first pee came out of a cock. Women too. Pretty much all genders are guilty of this grift. The sizzle sells the steak, so to speak, but once that sizzle starts to fizzle, things get rizzle. At some point, those women you've attracted with the flawless prose of your profile will perhaps read an errant email and discover that maybe you're not the Cyrano de Bergerac that reeled them in. They might, you can imagine, feel a bit deceived. Is that immoral? I don't know. Fake titties are still titties. A nose job nose is still a nose. A rose is a rose is a rose. Are contact lens wearers condemned to the pits of hell for not being honest enough to wear glasses? If Jesus had strong feelings about the subtle deceit of modern optometry, he kept them to himself. Similarly, you would think ol' J-Dawg and Pops would have weighed in on National Socialism, the atomic bomb, napalm, Kanye, and, of course, our future robot overlords, but basically ... bupkis. Same for Allah, Buddha, Vishnu, and L. Ron Hubbard. If you ask me, that's some seriously shoddy omnipotence for an all-knowing, eternal being. Sure, that walking on water thing was pretty cool, but it would really be great to know if your sentient robot life partner/fuck buddy is going to be condemned to the eternal fires of hell because she wasn't baptized in the blood of the lamb. I don’t know, dude. Make something up. Our asses are flapping in the wind.

Please don’t mistake my ambivalence in this matter as some sort of “all’s fair in love and war” moral cop out. It isn’t. I believe that what you’re doing is wrong – but I don’t believe it with a deep conviction or a sense of moral outrage. I myself am wearing some wonderful-smelling cologne. It’s not how I naturally smell. It’s much nicer. At some point if I forget to wear it, someone is going to feel like I have been deceiving them – and they will be right. Does that mean I should smell like a sweaty old man? I don’t think so. Anyway, who am I hurting? I just know that at some point I may have to answer for this deception – just like Jesus.